Blog Post #1

I'm still not sure what I should be writing on this blog so I hope I'm doing this right. As I was looking over the powerpoint slides in lecture over computer mediated communication and relationship formation it occurred to me that I could relate exactly to what was talked about. My first serious relationship was with a guy that I met online in a chatroom. Most of the topics discussed in class reminded me of this relationship, such as asynchronous communciation, the trajectory of relationship formation online, and the difficulty of relationship maintenance. The reason that my first boyfriend and I were using the Internet as a mode of communication was because we did not feel as comfortable talking to people in person as we did online. The main reason for this was because communication online is asynchronous. Even though instant messaging and chatrooms are supposed to be synchronous, they can still be considered asynchronous since a person does not have to respond right away; they can delay their response for as long as they wish. That way you have time to think about your response so you can formulate the perfect one. You have time to decide whether you want to be funny, sexy, or simple. My boyfriend and I felt more comfortable in this type of communication atmosphere because we could think before we talked. Another thing that I noticed about our relationship was that we followed the typical pattern of relationship formation. We started chatting in a chatroom, then moved to a more personal form of communication (AOL instant messenger and email), then we started talking on the phone, and finally we met in person. I guess I never really thought about that progression before and it makes sense that that's how most relationships formed online would progress. The final thing I noticed from the lecture that I could relate to is the difficulties present when trying to maintain a relationship through the Internet. This relationship was even more difficult to maintain because it was formed online. I didn't disclose to most of my friends or my family that I had even met this boy online because I didn't think it would add up to anything. I figured we would just be online friends and that was it, but when our relationship progressed from chatting online to talking on the phone, I realized that it could be something more and it became more difficult to maintain the relationship. Even after we met in person it became more difficult because we could not be together as often as we liked. You have to know how to hold conversations online or on the phone that can measure up to conversations that would have taken place in person if they were able to. We started to get the hang of it but decided in the end that computer mediated communication and phone conversations were not enough to maintain the relationship. There were a lot of factors involved in this decision, mainly that of trust. It is difficult to trust someone whom you do not see everyday and who you do not have easy access to communicate with. Therefore, I can see why many online relationships fail. I know that many people still try these relationships, especially on dating websites like Match.com and others, but I cannot say that I am a strong believer in them. I feel that to have a truly healthy and trusting relationship it should be in person.